Several weeks ago, because of action not taken by the United States Supreme Court, a number of states made it legal for gays and lesbians to get married. One of the states is where I live, Colorado.
I have been friends with Jan and Joan for 30 years. They have been
together as a couple for almost 38 years. They are quite dear to me and even
when I moved back East for 20 plus years, their friendship remained vital and fulfilling.
I have always known them as a couple and over the years developed an additional
relationship with each of them, which only made them as a couple richer for me.
Last year, the State of Colorado granted same-sex couples the right to
get civil unions. At that time, Jan and Joan went through that process. When
Colorado settled into what looked to be a permanent decision about offering
same-sex marriages Jan and Joan did a lot of soul searching about whether or
not to go for it.
Some of the issues of financial security and those kinds of legalities
seemed important in that marriage could offer protection and therefore be a
good reason to get married. One of these women was profoundly unprotected as
the law goes. That was definitely a strong consideration.
Philosophically there were a lot of issues that came up. Marriage has
long been considered an institution dominated by men. We still do not have all
the rights men do. So, given the nature of marriage, it brought pause when
considering the politics of lesbians entering into such a patriarchal agreement.
Joan, who works with taxes in her career, was ready to get married.
Jan went back and forth. The deciding factor that finally convinced Jan was the
realization that she could get another ring. It is difficult to know what
exactly will push a person one way or another in something as important as this
decision. Since the real, spiritual and personal reasons for being together had
been proven over the last thirty-eight years--getting married brought of
different issues and challenges for them than couples who are just entering
into their lives together.
I was invited to go to the County Clerk’s Office to be a witness. When
I got to their home they were dressed up and nervous. They had already exchanged their vows and exchanged rings.
They had carefully selected something old, something new, something borrowed
and something blue. They were so cute! Here are these young 60 something year old dykes going to get married.
Wow!!!!!!!!!!
When we got to the County Clerk’s Office we got number 21 and sat
waiting while people ahead of us got license plates and such. The line went
quickly and then it was our turn. The woman at the window was the same one who
had done Jan and Joan’s civil union. That was the first one of those she had
done and this was her first same-sex marriage license. There were a lot of
laughs as well as some not so supportive looks from those whose numbers hadn’t
yet been called. We were completely giddy and delighted.
I reflected on the way home how sweet Jan and Joan’s love for one
another expressed itself during that public procedure at the government
building. Thirty-eight years is a long time to be together for a lesbian
couple. We have not had the structure or permanence of marriage to foster
commitment. Those of us who have found the fortitude and are fortunate enough
to work through all the issues relationships challenge us with are great models
for the entire community. I am honored to have Jan and Joan as mentors, to be a
witness to their love and life together.
