Abracadabra
July 17, 1992 – November 19, 2008
July 17, 1992 – November 19, 2008
I had to put Abby to sleep this morning because she had lost her quality of life, had no control of her bodily functions and was in pain. It was so hard to see her trying to stand in her weakened state because she was in too much pain to sit or lie down.
My heart was torn in two. On the one hand I could not imagine my life without her. She had been such a big presence for a long time. On the other hand, I knew what I had to do. She was telling me loud and clear it was time. She went peacefully in my arms.
I want to tell you about this magical little soul. Abby was a retired Champion when I took her in. She was a beautiful Tibetan Spaniel. The first time I saw her was in a picture on the internet of her dancing in a too too. It made me smile.
When she arrived in the airline cargo area and I took her out of her crate I couldn’t believe how little she was. She was wispy and as light as a feather. I had just lost the dog of my heart and wasn’t feeling totally open to another. I couldn’t help myself. I fell in love at first sight.
She came right into my life as though she had always been there. She had no knowledge of my loss and proceeded to build a life with me based on love and light. It was as though her soul was a light beam. She would be snuggly and loving and then she would wisk away in a second and be off on her own adventure.
Her presence was enormous. I felt, and told her often, that she was the Empress of the Universe. She filled the role with no hesitation. She was regal, definitive, elegant, and was quite comfortable within her own sovereignty.
She fit right in with my other two Tibetan Spaniels and never felt jealousy or envy. Nor was she bothered when her sister got jealous if I was petting Abby. She would just finish her time and move on. There was no problem for her and she didn’t take it on ever.
It was her soul that I don’t know if I can describe. It was like angel wings. It felt airy, effervescent and strong. She seemed to be on the earth to make me happy but it was though she didn’t have any personal work to do. She was complete just the way she was. Growth was not part of her life’s agenda.
She was diagnosed almost two years ago with kidney failure and responded very well to a certain diet and my making sure she ate. I was given a gift by her being so ill. It gave me the opportunity to be in the moment with her every day. Every moment we spent together I got to experience her precious essence. I never forgot that she could leave this world at any time.
Now I am left with my other two Tibbies and it is strange what an enormous void such a little girl can make. It is not just her physical self that I miss so terribly, but it is her energy. I had no idea how huge her energy body was! I honestly don’t know if I have ever known a soul that was so huge.
This evening, while I was sitting on the porch thinking about her, a curl of her hair came floating through the air. It floated down around me and then over my other two Tibbies who were sleeping, circled around the rocks that she had had such a difficult time negotiating in her last few weeks and then came a landed on my lap. Then, just as quickly as it floated down, the wind whisked it up and it floated away. I was certain I had been visited by little Abracadabra.
I am sad. Very sad. And yet, I do not feel that she is far away. I feel her angel wings holding me tight while at the same time I feel her flying free. I was given a wonderful gift of many years of “being” with this little magic Abracadabra, and I cannot find words to express my gratitude.
