Everyone knows the stereotype depicted in the joke, "What do lesbians do on their second date?"--"Rent a Uhaul". I have experienced and known many lesbians who have rushed into relationship in this way.
The experience I have wanted to have, but hadn't in my lifetime with other lesbians, is to just be friends. No emotional enmeshment. No co-dependency. No sex. No partnership. Simply friends.
Most of my life-time closest friends are straight. Some are in relationships and others are single. Their preference has undoubtedly helped me keep the boundaries of friendship secure and protected.
Is the need for lesbians to bond manifested because we have fuzzy boundaries? Is it too difficult for us to be single and not in a relationship? Is our identity only validated by being "with" someone?
Last year I met a lesbian while we were both walking our dogs. She was traveling through Colorado, considering moving here. Over the next month and a half we became friends. When she left we stayed in contact by phone. In July of this year she moved here.
Our friendship has grown as we have spent a lot of time together doing things. We bike. We go to Tai Chi twice a week. Talking over lunches is a regular happening. We both love to go to the mountains. Last Monday we took an all-day road trip through Rocky Mountain National Park. (It was spectacular!)
There has never been any confusion in our friendship about what the relationship is and is not. There are no hidden agendas. There is no sexual tension. In the same way as with my straight friends -- we are friends.
I am grateful that I have a lesbian friend. It is nice to share that way of being in the world with someone who totally understands it. Being lesbians gives us a commonality that feels very comfortable.
I appreciate the absence of pressure I experience in this friendship. It's not complicated. Without the tension that often exists between lesbians to make the relationship into something more, I feel a freedom that is quite satisfying.
It has been a wonderful growing experience for me to develop a solid friendship with another single lesbian. It has strengthened my sense of myself. I am having great fun! I am blessed.
