Being in a relationship is challenging. Often, our concepts and fantasies about relationships aren't realistic. These are usually created from our upbringing and early relationships with our families and those around us when we are growing up. If we are raised in a loving, consistant family then that becomes the expectation when we are adults. However, if we are raised in a family where there is dissent, discord, lack of love or separation then that effects us and influences our concepts of the difficult possibilities in relationship.
Sometimes this means that we crave the opposite of a troubled relationship. This is honorable if the issues that were present in our early experiences are worked out so that we don't recreate them unconsciously.
One of the common ways that we play out the dysfunction is feeling so wounded that we don't pay attention to the inappropriateness of the relationship. Not all relationships are good for us. When we feel so needy for a relationship to last we overlook the warning signs that it is not working for us.
This can take on many forms. Sometimes there has been a pact made where one person is dependent on the other financially or emotionally. This sets up a difficult situation to be honest with how the relationship may not be working. This feeling of being trapped is often very real. If you are honest, you could either be out on the street or left alone emotionally with the sense that you cannot deal with aloneness and the feelings that brings up.
Being trapped because of financial dependency is what I want to focus on in this piece. How this situation gets set up can be complicated or simple. The crux of the problem of this kind of dependence smacks of lack. Lack of finances usually happens because of a lack of self esteem. This produces a feeling of victimization and is followed with a diminishing of energy of all kinds in your life. Financial depletion is just one way that this is manifested.
Usually this kind of depletion is a sign that something deeper is out of balance. We have created this lack because of some sort of spiritual disconnection. This could be being hurt so that we have to look at the direction our life is going which may be not right for us. We can interpret this as being hurt and victimized rather than the positive spin which would be to let spirit show us the direction that our life wants to flow.
The hanging on to a "wrong for us" relationship is what commonly happens when this situation presents itself. Instead of being honest with ourselves we shut down our spiritual selves and get lost in the moment of being weak and needing to be taken of. Living this way continues and deepens the out of balance in our lives.
It often makes it impossible to leave a relationship. When this happens the Universe usually eventually creates a situation that makes it impossible to continue the masquerade. I just got out of one of these relationships. My partner's son was the catalyst to finally break up the relationship. His influence made the situation so obvious that I could no longer ignore the holes in the relationship that were missing and making me continue to live a life of lies.
The lies kept my spiritual self eclipsed and just outside of reach. I lived day to day outside of myself, ignoring my inner life. My inner life was screaming that it was not working and I ignored it until an ugly and dangerous situation made it impossible to deny anymore. I was forced to leave. I had to find the strength to find my resources, let go of the lies I had been living and find my own way.
This decision put me back immediately in contact with my spiritual self. Living outside of myself became a thing of the past and looking for and finding balance in my life became paramount. My main focus now is letting go of the beliefs of wanting to make a relationship work over the long haul and finding my strength inside through honest spiritual connection.
This takes daily practice and a moment to moment checking in to find the truth that lives within me. "One day at a time" is all that can be lived at this time. I wonder sometimes if my beliefs about relationships are changing. I know now that neediness and taking care of someone else have no place in relationships. I know that if I follow my spiritual path and am honest with myself, relationships have to become more accessible to what I truly want.
I am not hurting. I do not feel regret that I left. I am a bit angry at myself for staying so long, but am daily forgiving myself for feeling wounded in a way that continued the lie. Now I am gaining strength and empowerment and am happy with being alone and healthy.
It is time to leave a relationship when you lose yourself in an untruthful situation, denying that what doesn't feel good is all you can have. Honesty is the key. Spiritual integrity is the path.
