Working Through Anger Stops Obsession

The process of letting go of a relationship can be challenging, especially if you are obsessing about "why" and thinking about the good aspects of the relationship. These are normal things that happen when a relationship ends. Even if you are the one who has initiated the breakup, the obsession about letting it go can make for a difficult time.

If you have been together for a number of years there are many good and bad memories that need to be processed. Just co-mingling on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level in a partnership brings a closeness that takes time to unravel and undo. That is why we are warned about rebounding and getting immediately into another relationship.

If you rebound, you do not give yourself a chance to go through the grieving process. This doesn't let you deal with the feelings from the previous relationship and therefore they accumulate and come up the next time a relationship ends. And, it is more likely that relationships do end if this emotional processing is avoided.

Many people can't stand the pain of looking at and feeling the loss of a relationship. This can become a life pattern that follows you from relationship to relationship. This is known as serial relationships, because by going from one immediately into the next, the feelings remain unconsciously buried and come out at inappropriate times and in surprising and often not so pleasant ways.

The relationship I recently got out of was my choice. It was not mutual, but, my ex got into another relationship before I moved my things out. Needless to say, I doubt that she has looked back. Unlike her, I have been dealing with my feelings as they have come up and have embraced the grieving process one hundred per cent.

Obsession was my biggest struggle. I kept thinking about her throughout every day and I could not stop it. It was a combination of remembering good times, bad times, events that made a lasting impression, emotional supports and lacks, sleeping together for all those years, intimacy, and other memories too numerous to mention.

One day I woke up with the realization that I needed to cut emotional cords with her. I imagined a huge pair of scissors cutting the emotional cord that was attached between her and mine bellys. It took a lot of effort and for a while I didn't feel anything. I continued to cut it everyday until it was gone. This helped the obsession some.

Then I decided that I would write about the obsession. I let myself write about anything that was in my mind. I found out many things I hadn't been aware of in this process. I did this for about a week. Then the strangest thing happened. The obsessive thoughts began to turn into angry thoughts. The writing turned from writing about obsession into writing about my anger.

Writing about my anger took me more than a week because I had a lot to say. Then, one day, I noticed that my writing had shifted and I was no longer obsessing or angry. I still have thoughts once in a while, which I think is totally normal, but now I have the power and strength to let myself think about something else. I have chosen, when I think about the old relationship, to think about my sister. My sister is and has always been a steady, supportive, "I've got your back" relationship and is very positive for me to think about.

So, I have learned some very valuable lessons about dealing with feelings when a relationship ends. Underneath the anxiety and obsession is anger. I got to mine through working with the process and I am grateful that I was willing to go through the feelings rather than pushing them under the carpet so that they come out some other time.