Psychologist Pepper Swartz in her 1983 book American Couple, asserted that lesbians have less sex and intimacy than other couples. Although her results and mythology were later challenged, the idea of lesbian bed death has taken on a life of its own.
Sex in our culture is based on the intensity of the beginning of a relationship. No one talks about the middle or later stages. Lesbian sex is not something wild that needs to be controlled nor is it the asexual mirror-image of horndog gay men. The truth lies somewhere in between. Lesbians who have been sleeping together for decades can manage to keep their love lives spicy. All couples who are in long-term relationships must work at not getting tired of marathon sex.
After the beginning infatuation phase dwindles it is more about setting a date for sex as opposed to letting it fall by the wayside. That's why you see people break up: the sex got monotonous or needed work, and neither knew how or were willing to work on it.
Lesbian bed death can happen to any couple. Daily life and personal wounding can add to difficulities in any relationship. It more often than not has to do with lack of communication, holding onto resentments, and not taking care of the needs of the other. Sex and money are the main two reasons couples break up.
To take care of our partner's needs we must first take care of ourselves. Being healthy individuals makes for a healthy relationship makes for a gratifying sexual life. Taking care of each other's needs grows out of this harmony.
Lesbians, unlike gay men who seem to have a whole cornucopia of sex choices from sex parties to leather clubs to outdoor cruising spots, rarely stray outside of long-term relationships to find sexual satisfaction. Our desire to live our lives together as partners requires that we don't lose sight of intimacy and passion.
The myth about lesbian sex--whether wild or dead--serves to appease those heterosexuals who are experiencing "straight panic" over LGBT visibility and power. Increasingly, the country is coming to recognize that there is not a big divide between gay and straight relationships--except what's inscribed in our legal system.
What makes it harder for us is a lack of role models with that mixture of tenderness and passion that heterosexuals take for granted. Talking about sex with your partner can be invaluable. Simply talking about it opens up possibilities that make a good love life happen.
We need to nurture our relationships and work to keep the flame going. Negotiating monogamy is hard work but with communication and talking with our partners about our sexual needs, lesbians can avoid the myth of bed death.
Sex in our culture is based on the intensity of the beginning of a relationship. No one talks about the middle or later stages. Lesbian sex is not something wild that needs to be controlled nor is it the asexual mirror-image of horndog gay men. The truth lies somewhere in between. Lesbians who have been sleeping together for decades can manage to keep their love lives spicy. All couples who are in long-term relationships must work at not getting tired of marathon sex.
After the beginning infatuation phase dwindles it is more about setting a date for sex as opposed to letting it fall by the wayside. That's why you see people break up: the sex got monotonous or needed work, and neither knew how or were willing to work on it.
Lesbian bed death can happen to any couple. Daily life and personal wounding can add to difficulities in any relationship. It more often than not has to do with lack of communication, holding onto resentments, and not taking care of the needs of the other. Sex and money are the main two reasons couples break up.
To take care of our partner's needs we must first take care of ourselves. Being healthy individuals makes for a healthy relationship makes for a gratifying sexual life. Taking care of each other's needs grows out of this harmony.
Lesbians, unlike gay men who seem to have a whole cornucopia of sex choices from sex parties to leather clubs to outdoor cruising spots, rarely stray outside of long-term relationships to find sexual satisfaction. Our desire to live our lives together as partners requires that we don't lose sight of intimacy and passion.
The myth about lesbian sex--whether wild or dead--serves to appease those heterosexuals who are experiencing "straight panic" over LGBT visibility and power. Increasingly, the country is coming to recognize that there is not a big divide between gay and straight relationships--except what's inscribed in our legal system.
What makes it harder for us is a lack of role models with that mixture of tenderness and passion that heterosexuals take for granted. Talking about sex with your partner can be invaluable. Simply talking about it opens up possibilities that make a good love life happen.
We need to nurture our relationships and work to keep the flame going. Negotiating monogamy is hard work but with communication and talking with our partners about our sexual needs, lesbians can avoid the myth of bed death.
