There many gay men and lesbians having children through heterosexual marriage, adoption, artificial insemination with donor sperm, and surrogacy and egg donation. As you can imagine, issues may arise medically, legally, socially and emotionally. Counseling prior to embarking on the path to parenthood, during the process, and after a family is formed can be extremely helpful.
Parenting concerns of gay couples are not different than
those of heterosexuals. All potential parents share concerns about their
ability to be good parents, the affordability of parenting, questions about the
suitability of bringing children into a world like the one in which we live,
and about how a child changes a person’s/couple’s life. Couples using
artificial reproductive technologies may also share concerns about the
biological connection to the child; conceiving with a third party; societal
attitudes towards ART; educating family, friends, and the general public; and
disclosure to the child and family In addition, there are unique issues for gay
and lesbian couples.
These issues include internalized homophobia and societal
homophobia. Internalized homophobia is a term used to represent the negative
and distressing thoughts and feelings experienced by lesbians and gay men about
their sexuality, which are attributed to experiences of cultural heterosexism
and victimization. I this is an issue, a clinician who displays sensitivity and
awareness of lesbian and gay clients’ unique issues can be found.
The first question gay and lesbian couples need to ask
themselves before conceiving a child is to ask whether or not it is okay for
them to have a child. These couples may wonder if friends and family will
support their choice and whether their children will suffer from having
same-sex parents instead of having a mother and father. Confronting
internalized homophobia, accepting oneself completely, and addressing
unexamined feelings must also be addressed by the would-be parents.
ART options require decisions such as whose sperm or eggs to
use and who will carry the child. The partner who uterus, sperm or eggs were
not used may questions their status as a full and equal parent. Working these
issues through with a psychologist and seeing a lawyer specializing in
reproductive issues are essential.
The couple should decide what last name to use and what
their children will call them. The couple should discuss how to talk to their
children about their family. Parents are encouraged to tell age-appropriate
truth and avoid lying or deceit. The couple may wonder how much to tell others
about the details of their children’s conception. Talking with other parents
who have had children through ART can be extremely helpful in deciding when and
how to share with children and other adults and families.
Same-sex and heterosexual couples and individuals who are
using assisted reproductive technologies have the luxury of carefully
considering these issues way before conception. Entering into parenthood with
these issues worked out and sorted medically, legally, socially, and
emotionally allows couples to then focus on and enjoy be parents.
