Having children can cause complications when a lesbian mom is ready to start dating after a breakup. Some women are newly single with kids from a previous lesbian relationship. Others are newly out of the closet with children. It can be challenging to even know how to date when you are a single mom.
One of the biggest problems is finding time. You hardly have any time for yourself with all your responsibilities of your job, keeping up with your kids, cooking, cleaning and sometimes going to school. Even thinking about adding one more thing to the mix can be monumentally overwhelming.
It might be a struggle, but if you want to meet someone, you have to make the time. Making time for yourself may feel impossible or even selfish, but giving yourself some fun adult time can help you stay balanced in your life. Staying balanced can actually give you energy and change your attitude from martyrdom to a strong sense of self and freedom.
One of the best places to start might be to go to groups with other lesbian moms. This gives your children a chance to play with other kids who have same sex parents and allows you too make some new friends, who might be going through the same thing you are.
If you find someone you want to go out with, get a babysitter and go have a good time. Of course, your kids come first. Dating is something you do for yourself. They may have feelings about you dating. It could signal to them that you and your ex won't be reconciling. They could feel jealous of your taking time away from them.
When you start dating there are some things you can do that will help with these concerns. First of all, it is not necessary to let your children know that you're going on a "date". It is better to let them know you are going out with friends to have a good time. It is good for your children to see you enjoying your life.
One of the problems lesbians have is falling hard and fast into the first relationship they have. It is better to date around to find a person who has the qualities, values and dreams that are important to you. Just because you are a responsible mom doesn't mean you have to move right into a serious relationship. It will be better in the long run if you have fun and date more than one person.
When children are involved, it is especially important not to introduce a date or new woman too quickly. Experts advise waiting at least six months before introducing a new mate to your children. I have found that waiting even longer has its advantages.
During this time if you want to sleep with a date, it's best to stay at her place and preferably on a night when your kids are not at home. Bringing a new person into a child's world can be confusing, especially if the relationship doesn't work out. Then the kids have to weather yet another loss. Or you might get caught up in trying to "make it work" to avoid causing your children more pain.
When it is time to introduce a new partner it is best, depending on the ages of your children, to first introduce her as a friend. This is most positively done in a neutral location like at a movie, park, pizza place or somewhere the kids like. Going slow when introducing a new partner will empower the relationship. Over time it will naturally build and seem like a normal part of life rather than a jolting jump into trying to form a new family unit. That could create a lot of anxiety for the children and cause some backlash for you.
Even if your long-term goal might be to have a permanent partner, going about it with mindfulness is especially important when you are a lesbian mom. In the short-term, go have fun and meet new people. When you've found that "special" woman and you integrate her carefully, your new "family" can be a great source of joy, peace and love.
One of the biggest problems is finding time. You hardly have any time for yourself with all your responsibilities of your job, keeping up with your kids, cooking, cleaning and sometimes going to school. Even thinking about adding one more thing to the mix can be monumentally overwhelming.
It might be a struggle, but if you want to meet someone, you have to make the time. Making time for yourself may feel impossible or even selfish, but giving yourself some fun adult time can help you stay balanced in your life. Staying balanced can actually give you energy and change your attitude from martyrdom to a strong sense of self and freedom.
One of the best places to start might be to go to groups with other lesbian moms. This gives your children a chance to play with other kids who have same sex parents and allows you too make some new friends, who might be going through the same thing you are.
If you find someone you want to go out with, get a babysitter and go have a good time. Of course, your kids come first. Dating is something you do for yourself. They may have feelings about you dating. It could signal to them that you and your ex won't be reconciling. They could feel jealous of your taking time away from them.
When you start dating there are some things you can do that will help with these concerns. First of all, it is not necessary to let your children know that you're going on a "date". It is better to let them know you are going out with friends to have a good time. It is good for your children to see you enjoying your life.
One of the problems lesbians have is falling hard and fast into the first relationship they have. It is better to date around to find a person who has the qualities, values and dreams that are important to you. Just because you are a responsible mom doesn't mean you have to move right into a serious relationship. It will be better in the long run if you have fun and date more than one person.
When children are involved, it is especially important not to introduce a date or new woman too quickly. Experts advise waiting at least six months before introducing a new mate to your children. I have found that waiting even longer has its advantages.
During this time if you want to sleep with a date, it's best to stay at her place and preferably on a night when your kids are not at home. Bringing a new person into a child's world can be confusing, especially if the relationship doesn't work out. Then the kids have to weather yet another loss. Or you might get caught up in trying to "make it work" to avoid causing your children more pain.
When it is time to introduce a new partner it is best, depending on the ages of your children, to first introduce her as a friend. This is most positively done in a neutral location like at a movie, park, pizza place or somewhere the kids like. Going slow when introducing a new partner will empower the relationship. Over time it will naturally build and seem like a normal part of life rather than a jolting jump into trying to form a new family unit. That could create a lot of anxiety for the children and cause some backlash for you.
Even if your long-term goal might be to have a permanent partner, going about it with mindfulness is especially important when you are a lesbian mom. In the short-term, go have fun and meet new people. When you've found that "special" woman and you integrate her carefully, your new "family" can be a great source of joy, peace and love.
